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The funniest situations can occur when people try to pass off machine translations as their own creations... especially when they're trying to sell themselves as a reliable companion.
Most of these gems were found on a now-defunct website for Japanese people to find foreign friends... but there are still places out there where people are dying to ask you if it starts with a friend.

I've generally tried to avoid messages not written using machine translations, but some of the hand-written ones are just so dodgy that they deserve more exposure...

Hello [ it begins and ]. The partner who can pass with sufficient relations together forever wants. Although it can hardly talk, I want to do my best in English as much as possible. Please mail, if very well. I ask of you well.
Hello. I am ****. They are 27 years old. It is working by the florist. English can hardly be spoken. Doesn't it carry out now [ direction ] which can speak Japanese? Doesn't it start with a friend?
Lover collection.An answer is reliable.  

Good afternoon. It is the Japanese who lives in Japan.
But, a Spaniard or the French, a mixture, and so on are always said because a face has the face of the European style as to the Japanese.
Therefore, a friend is most Japanese that a foreigner changed.
It is a singleness man at 49 years old.
Work is the instructor of the book sales with the instructor of the computer.
Hobbies are a classical guitar, martial arts.
As for the favorite woman, an appearance is the mild one by the blond.
An answer is reliable.

hello,l am from Rondon.
l am 21 years old. and went uni in Japan.
Do you keen on Rondon?
I am japanese girl and I live in Tokyo.
My name is ******.
The nice sweetheart of European or Westerners are being searched.
It is said that be kind, beautiful and I am fan.
Hobby be even with, to get on a/the bicycle to observe a/the movie and, to listen to Western music
It is to be made easy by a/the sweetheart, to like best.
(主語なし) Does not it does romantic love with me?
I be because even the babble is good if I am possible, because English is able to speak only a little
The person who Japanese is able to speak is good.
Kind thanks.
I am a eighteen-year-old Japanese girl.
It lives in Japanese Shizuoka.
I am not good at English.
However, a foreign country is studied because it is very fine ★
But, a little... :-[
My hobby is to see reading and a movie.
It goes shopping additionally, too, and exercises, and likes it variously. A book reads anything. It specially likes history.
movie likes a foreign film very much.
I love GARYOLDMAN:-]
I want to do wonderful love because I am a romanticist.
I am sorry by the poor sentence.
Thank you for reading it.
It is waiting in the mail pleasure.
Good-bye
Hello, how do you do. My name is called ****. I am 15 years old. It becomes a high school student from spring. I live in Osaka. I want to become the men and friends who live in Russia, the United States, or Europe. I am fat for a while. But I think that character is gentle. It is earnest and is earnest. Doesn't it start with mail? Let's make friends ^^ Osaka is also shown. Please mail.
Osaka To a foreign woman.
I am the 23-year-old man who lives in Osaka.
Please teach me English.
It is splendid only in one day from a morning to night in the city hotel in Osaka.
Since violence was used before, a female person is good.
Is remuneration + alpha of 15000 yen and how is it?
It goes to a meal to return.

I exhibit the individual homepage in Japan.
Therefore, although the homepage was also Japanese, he wanted to alternate overseas one and the page of exchange with a bulletin board was made.
Since I cannot do English, I am using the translator.
The left-hand side of a top page is a menu. Please enter from bottom "WellCome."
It regards and comes and is the bottom time!
Nice to meet you I want to deepen, please answer, and I want to teach Japanese and Tohoku accent to you in substitute, too and do it in an event in addition to language study together interchange except language study that I am 24 years old to live in Tokyo and do it in a trip the other day in London and felt linguistic necessity deeply, and teach English to me if good and increase, and in particular I look forward to an answer from of a woman of a soccer-lover if I can be a-lover.
Looking for a girlfriend who is black. Welcome any nationality, age 20-50. English-speaking preferable. Reasonable reward. I am a 48-year-old goverment employee specializing in health service. Working in the metroopolita area.
Let's study English and Japanese without wearing money!
An employee of a company resident in Hiroshima. It is 27 years old. I am in Hiroshima from a university. Though I want to study English, money does not want to be missing, and there is not time and. At first let's exchange emails. I am absolutely interesting.
Let's e-mail it without sex, age relation!
Please e-mail it willingly!